Friday, March 9, 2012

Another Sunset Alone

Another Sunset Alone

watching another sun… set
does not diminish its beauty…
… pastel shades merge with sunset hues
as birds on their homeward flight
glide with joyous abandon
before the measured sinking of the night…

feather-light breezes
heavily drenched with traffic fumes
and ocean- spray… soft hints of fragrant blooms
hugging softly to branch & winking flowers & supple skin….
… like a lovers touch it clings
before whispering  away …

voices drift to my window as I gaze out
family voices raised in anger and in joy
mundane snatches of conversation rise on the air
on the way to the office…. what’s for tea… I hate homework!

And I smile at the once familiar sounds and scenes of families
living and working and dreaming their dreams…
…once that was me…

somewhere someone is frying onions… a hint of garlic too
aromas drift around me, pungent… sweet…
faint traces of star anise blend softly in the air
with drifts of sandalwood incense …
… in the stillness the fragrances linger like a memory…

behind a mountain of thunderheads the sun sank, unseen
no more than a hazy aura clinging to the edge of clouds…
 but watching another sun… set
does not diminish its beauty…
and in the still silence that followed
I gave thanks for another day;


Saturday, December 17, 2011

Conversations Under Grandmother Tree

Conversations Under Grandmother Tree

I always call big old trees with spreading arms Grandmother.... and big old tall ones Grandfather... silly me, really but it stems from a day, nearly 40 yrs ago now, when I sat under a tree with an indigenous girl, whose name has faded from memory ; she told me stories of her people, Dreamtime Stories handed down from generation to generation. I may have forgotten her name but I shall never forget her. I fished for barramundi (a fish) and ate witchedy grubs with her and watched the slow moving river grumble along past our feet...

‘Neath Grandmother Tree

forty year old
into present day
two girls
bond in play…
fishing for barramundi
by a slow moving
that grumbled past their feet
searching under thick bark
witchedy grubs to eat…
a tale of ebony and ivory
long before the song
was sung
two girls
playing in the bush
their souls
were as one…
teaching each other
of two worlds
the worlds of
me and she
sitting ‘neath
the cooling shade
of old Grandmother tree…


the day was hot & humid
summer storms
building in layers
of heavy cloud
pregnant with unfallen rain…

rain today
I asked
wiping sweat
from my nut-brown face…

nope, ‘morrow maybe
she replied
her yawn exposing
teeth of purest white
in a face as black as night
you not like dem
white girls in town
she said
dem ones read Dolly
at milk-bar
and paint their nails
and giggle like sick

you not like them
aborigine girls in town
I grinned
they copy white girls
and giggle at the jackaroos
and flutter eyes like
sick cow…

our laughter tumbled
up into the branches
of Grandmother Tree
who rustled her leaves
at our gossip
with good-natured

you think any quandong
are ripe
I asked

nope, we ete ‘em all
she shook her head
you still got much
to learn
she laughed…

we both laughed then
out loud like
healthy kookaburra
we screeched
chasing each other
into the slow moving
water of
the River….

jackaroos - Male trainee worker on a cattle or sheep station

quandong- Australian tree with edible flesh and edible nutlike seed


Lullaby Lyrics

in scattered shades
of filigree jade…
shadows overlaid
with late afternoon
sunshine that stills time…
creating intrinsic
in branches
and leaves
soft melodies
within the stanza
of a faintly stirring breeze
lullaby lyrics whisper softly
of seasons past
and seasons yet to come
as I sit ‘neath
this grandmother tree
to await
the setting sun…

Thursday, November 17, 2011

He Said…. Trust the Dreams

Hello all...I have always been fascinated by the writings of Kahil Gibran.... but this time the words took me in a whole other direction....

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Kahil Gibran
He Said…. Trust the Dreams

trust the dreams…he said -
but my dreams seem so unreachable, simple tho they be
tainted with nightmare shades that threaten to follow me to end-of-days
trust the dreams, he said, in them is the hidden gate to eternity….

The hidden gate to eternity lies in an unknown zone
shrouded behind doubt and pain… and shadows
that lurk in memories murk
haunting the peripheries of summer dreams
unravelling plans & day-dream-schemes
and seemingly always beyond hearts reach
eternity lies with white bones bleached
and forever hidden behind a gate
that will not open for me….

trust the dreams…he said -
- but I say NO!
trust this day & ones that follow
trust the ones that went before…
… don’t waste time with hidden dreams
and images that ring hollow…
live life now while it’s yours to live
learn the lessons that living gives
love with an open heart
… forgive with an open soul
don’t wait for hidden gates to unlock
for tomorrow the bells may toll…

…and what then –
- will the tolling of bells
reveal eternity’s gate…?
or will you wake to the realization
that in the search for dreams & eternity
you left living too late…
trust the dreams…he said -
I say…. live life
and dreams will happen….

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Inner Reflections: A Moment's Insight

Inner Reflections: A Moment's Insight: “And looking back I realise A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. A Moment's Insight ...

A Moment's Insight

“And looking back I realise
A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

A Moment's Insight

there have been moments in my life
moments of sudden understanding
life-changing revelations
of inner thought
where mind body & soul
were so aligned
in such perfect synergy
with the elements
water… air… fire…mind… spirit
in perfect balanced harmony
within that moment
that yes
a moment's insight was worth a life's experience…

imagine this
a much younger me
a child in fact, not yet in high school;
a desert at sunrise
when cinnabar rays first kiss the earth
a silence so profound
I heard the desert breathe.
I knew then that something had happened
to an inner me I did know I had
I wasn’t sure what had happened
but the earth spoke to me that morning
that much I knew without doubt;
 I know now
that my connection to my earth
was profoundly deeper than I could understand at the time…

sun setting in the surging waters
of the Great Australian Bight
16-17 years old
walking a deserted highway
deserted for 100’s of miles…
I heard the earth & ocean communicating
in powerful vibrations beneath my feet
they spoke of centuries old echoes…
who are you, they asked me- earth & ocean
none of your kind have ever stood this very spot..

I am just a girl, I told them…
 just a girl who wants to know how to live …

live it well…. they told me-
- I swear I heard them chuckle
live it well…

a road far from home when I had no home
alone in a dark dark world
the sky a never-ending expanse of unending midnight
 stars danced to the tune of moon-tossed breezes…
faraway lights grew closer and closer
the wind whispered
in my ear
hide little one…
I did;
hugging the shadows of a big old tree
resting my head on bared roots
the wind hugged me close
as the car sped past…
be strong, the wind echoed
be strong…

and yet another silent highway
darkness envelops the car
twin points of light spear the night
showing the empty road -
- path of a new destination….
a work-roughened hand covers mine
this is the point of no return, he said
I can take still take you back there…there is still time
I looked at him
the dashboard lights revealing eyes
that feared my answer
soft glow illumining my young daughters
sleeping peacefully in the back…
I have nothing to go back for, I said
everything in the world I love is here…
a brave new world awaits…

 scuffed linoleum
winter sunlight streams
in golden bands across a scratched floor…
I stare so hard I lose all sense of time
all sense of existence…
Clear! I heard the medic yell
for the 4th time… I flinched
and knew
I would never see him again…
goodbyes are never easy…but are a part of life…

a mountaintop in the south
mist clung to tree trunks and curled fingers
along ankle-deep creeks…
water as revitalizing and pristine
as angels tears…
bellbirds called with dulcet clarity…
as beautiful as it was
as untouched & perfect as it was –
even though my heart told me this was a nice man to be with
- I knew I did not belong; not there…

a cliff overlooking the ocean
green valley’s swept down to white sand
a milestone in passing
6 years alone…
its time to let go, the ocean thundered, Time!
not yet, I whispered
but I thought of him that day without pain;
for the first time the memories did not hurt.
time does heal, I thought, but who knew it would take this long?


a verdant garden
surrounded by trees…
flowers greeted the day…
sun splashed hues revitalized & soothed
man-children a discordant background chorus…
that never ceased;
they don’t need me anymore, I thought
it’s time to move on…
time to find me…


mountains stood sentinel
in a semi-circle around me
hugging the sandy shores of the bay
clouds scudded across a blue sky
image of a Spring day…
my thoughts tumbled chaotically
but slowly… began to untangle…
such clarity enveloped me
I felt dizzy
breathless…. free…
a clarity of emotion washed over me;
I can love… share… live… laugh…
and am strong enough to let go
living life well…
the best way that I know…

with an open heart & no preconditions… no expectations;


Trailing Tangents & Delusions of Nirvana - A Ramble

Trailing Tangents & Delusions of Nirvana - A Ramble

I have been besieged
 by ‘life-thoughts’ lately…
What am I doing?
Where am I going?
 Who am I?
Who do I want to be?
 What is the purpose of this life?
Can I love again?
Is it ok to finally live without pain?
… the sort of thoughts
 that lead one to epiphanies door
but withholds the key….

I answer each probing question
as honestly as I can…
I am living
Wherever life takes me
I am me… Me
A healing blessing to all I meet
purpose? hmmmm
to live life with authenticity
yes… yes…and yes….

but those are cryptic answers –
- am I more confused now
then I was at 22? 32? 16?
perhaps… but I know more now
feel more now…
… understand more…

I think the best thing one can do
for oneself
is to just let it all go….
… the preconceived ideas
the pain… sorrow…soul-sapping ache
the bruises that mar ones spirit…
let it all go….

so, I may not be loved by a partner
not know that warm & tender certainty
when I gaze into eyes that gaze at me…
… but I have known it
and  I have learn’t to love myself
…my friends love me
(and I love them)
and that is more than some
realise they have….

I will not bring comfort & solace
strength & peace
to this world
but I love all
without agenda
or thought to race creed religion gender
sub-culture political preference football/soccer team….
or any of the predetermined prejudices
instilled into each generation…

I think somewhere along the way
many eons ago
the evolving human race
came to a crossroad
and ventured down the wrong path…
…we are children of the Earth
and as such have become
clouded by issues of status
we react to artificial stimuli
and respond in kind….

our freedom and independence
is buried under a paper-pile mountain
of ordinances regulations rules
sanctions that do not safeguard the everyday man woman & child
but rather protect those selfsame
law makers who dine with law-twisters
defend their right to kickbacks & pay rises
gazillion dollar deals
that jeopardize
  the ethical & spiritual fabric
of all humanity….

…perhaps at some point in the future
enough people will rise as one
and lift their voice
to blind bureaucrats in ivy covered ivory towers
the offspring of today’s Pontius Pilates…
… but that day will not come
if we of the now
put down our pens
silence our voices
and close our hearts
simply because
it feels too hard
because we a tired
… we are jaded…

I believe
that  the power to change
is in our hands…
… we could be the catalyst
that creates a shift in spiritual awareness
the founding stone
for a new future…
if we have the courage
to share & sing & educate…
the courage to reach out
with love & conviction

…and if we are not a whisper
of future strength & unity
at least we know
we lived life well;

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Disjointed & Deteriorated Ramblings

Disjointed & Deteriorated Ramblings
Maybe I have Dementia
I suppose I have fanciful thoughts of the 60’s... I’ve always thought I was born too late...
 to an era that didn’t really suit me...  I know the 60’s were a time of mixed emotions ...
with WW 2 still sharp in peoples’ memories and the Vietnam War raging...
our men fighting and dying... our women worrying and crying... ours, your people and mine.... conscientious objectors protesting...
I imagine you and I will have various opinions on the turbulence & excitement of that era
 ... me, I would still have been me if I’d been born a little earlier
 with flowers in my hair  and unconventional attire...losing myself in the music of the era…
smoking pot and wanting to save the world with love........ you, well I don’t know what you were doing... were you old enough to protest or to go to war towards the end? Where you even born yet?

My mother and father had been dating for two years when she discovered she was expecting me…she was only 16.... they hastily married before she started to show
and moved in with her parents ...
 I think the marriage was doomed to failure because of that... I was born the 16th day of March, 1961, 9lbs would you believe... by the time I was one my parents had separated and divorced...
 my mother’s mother was, from what I hear, a very hard woman...
she would not let my father visit me often and taught me to call him by his first name rather than ‘Daddy’... subsequently I didn’t see him much...  my grandmother  passed away when I was little older than two, of leukaemia; I think her death was a great blow to my mother.... my earliest memories are living with my mother’s oldest sister  and her 9  children....
but by the time I was 5 my mother remarried... her husband was neither loving or cruel...
absent most of the time, even when he was home... he was a barrister;
my brother was born the January before my 6th birthday and I was noticeably passed to the background...

(hmmm all this sounds vaguely familiar... as if I’ve told you before.... have I? Am I going over something I’ve already shared... that would be tedious for you)...

... at this point I was living in the outer, outer suburbs of Sydney....Sydney is Australia’s biggest city with a population of roughly 5,000.000.... just for interest sake, although that today’s figures not the 60’s ...
....anyway... I lived in the outer burbs... it was peaceful in a sense… I mean there was no political upheaval or riots or  protest marches… there was little crime and from memory no abject poverty….
it was simply an insular suburban life…
sometime after my 9th birthday my mother separated from my stepfather
moving in ( with my brother & I) with a much older neighbour;
he later became my second stepfather and my mother’s life partner….

that when my life really took a turn…. for good & bad…

(you know something, I’m sure I’ve followed this line of thought with you all …. sometimes I worry I’m in the early stages of dementia)...

Here’s a silly poem instead.....

If Only…

I wish I’d been at Woodstock
In 1969
Swaying to the music
In the rain and clear sunshine
Dancing in mud puddles
With people I didn’t know
But I was just a little kid
And far too young to go…

I’d have worn purple love beads
Round my neck
And flowers in my hair
And danced until the sun come up
If only I’d been there…

I wish I’d been at Woodstock
And heard Joe Cocker sing
And been there when Credence
Got up to do their thing
I would have danced the day away
And long into the night
You would have found me swaying still
In the morning’s pure dawn light…

And I’d have worn
A long green dress
With wilted flowers in my hair…
Purple love beads
Round my neck
…if only I’d been there…
…if only I’d been there…

Soooo..... some time has passed.... I did the dishes and finally unpacked my suitcase… I’ve been home 5 days… living out of my suitcase in lounge room, Lol…. I’ve made a fresh coffee and spent some time gazing absently out the double glass doors…. the day has changed in the time I’ve been watching…. rain clouds have gathered and the late afternoon has lost its humidity… grey shadows throw the day into an early twilight…
... anyway... very poor conversationalist tonight, aren’t I....

....  sigh... I honestly can’t remember what I’ve told you and what I haven’t... and I’ve lost my train of thought…. so I might just go sit on the veranda and hope for rain… some rain would be nice…..
... hope you sleep/slept well
Yours.... sharonlee©