Conversations Under Grandmother Tree

Conversations Under Grandmother Tree

I always call big old trees with spreading arms Grandmother.... and big old tall ones Grandfather... silly me, really but it stems from a day, nearly 40 yrs ago now, when I sat under a tree with an indigenous girl, whose name has faded from memory ; she told me stories of her people, Dreamtime Stories handed down from generation to generation. I may have forgotten her name but I shall never forget her. I fished for barramundi (a fish) and ate witchedy grubs with her and watched the slow moving river grumble along past our feet...

‘Neath Grandmother Tree




forty year old
memories
drift
floating
into present day
smiling
innocent
memories
two girls
bond in play…
fishing for barramundi
by a slow moving
river
that grumbled past their feet
searching under thick bark
witchedy grubs to eat…
a tale of ebony and ivory
long before the song
was sung
two girls
playing in the bush
their souls
were as one…
teaching each other
of two worlds
the worlds of
me and she
sitting ‘neath
the cooling shade
of old Grandmother tree…
Sharonlee©
12-Jul-11



White-Girl-Who-Not-White


the day was hot & humid
summer storms
building in layers
of heavy cloud
pregnant with unfallen rain…

rain today
I asked
wiping sweat
from my nut-brown face…

nope, ‘morrow maybe
she replied
her yawn exposing
teeth of purest white
in a face as black as night
you not like dem
white girls in town
she said
dem ones read Dolly
at milk-bar
and paint their nails
and giggle like sick
kookaburra…

you not like them
aborigine girls in town
I grinned
they copy white girls
and giggle at the jackaroos
and flutter eyes like
sick cow…

our laughter tumbled
up into the branches
of Grandmother Tree
who rustled her leaves
at our gossip
with good-natured
disapproval….

you think any quandong
are ripe
I asked

nope, we ete ‘em all
yesterday….
she shook her head
you still got much
to learn
white-girl-who-not-white
she laughed…

we both laughed then
out loud like
healthy kookaburra
SWIM!
we screeched
chasing each other
into the slow moving
water of
the River….
sharonlee©
14-Jul-11



jackaroos - Male trainee worker on a cattle or sheep station


quandong- Australian tree with edible flesh and edible nutlike seed






******************************************************************************
Lullaby Lyrics

perfection
in scattered shades
of filigree jade…
shadows overlaid
with late afternoon
sunshine that stills time…
creating intrinsic
patterns
in branches
and leaves
rustling
soft melodies
within the stanza
of a faintly stirring breeze
lullaby lyrics whisper softly
of seasons past
and seasons yet to come
as I sit ‘neath
this grandmother tree
to await
the setting sun…
sharonlee©
11-Jul-11

He Said…. Trust the Dreams

Hello all...I have always been fascinated by the writings of Kahil Gibran.... but this time the words took me in a whole other direction....

Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Kahil Gibran

He Said…. Trust the Dreams

trust the dreams…he said -
but my dreams seem so unreachable, simple tho they be
tainted with nightmare shades that threaten to follow me to end-of-days
trust the dreams, he said, in them is the hidden gate to eternity….


The hidden gate to eternity lies in an unknown zone
shrouded behind doubt and pain… and shadows
that lurk in memories murk
haunting the peripheries of summer dreams
unravelling plans & day-dream-schemes
and seemingly always beyond hearts reach
eternity lies with white bones bleached
and forever hidden behind a gate
that will not open for me….

trust the dreams…he said -
- but I say NO!
trust this day & ones that follow
trust the ones that went before…
… don’t waste time with hidden dreams
and images that ring hollow…
live life now while it’s yours to live
learn the lessons that living gives
love with an open heart
… forgive with an open soul
don’t wait for hidden gates to unlock
for tomorrow the bells may toll…

…and what then –
- will the tolling of bells
reveal eternity’s gate…?
or will you wake to the realization
that in the search for dreams & eternity
you left living too late…
trust the dreams…he said -
I say…. live life
and dreams will happen….
Sharonlee©
18/11/11

Inner Reflections: A Moment's Insight

Inner Reflections: A Moment's Insight: “And looking back I realise A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.” Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. A Moment's Insight ...

A Moment's Insight

“And looking back I realise

A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.”
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

A Moment's Insight

there have been moments in my life

moments of sudden understanding

life-changing revelations

of inner thought

where mind body & soul

were so aligned

in such perfect synergy

with the elements

moon…stars…sun…earth

water… air… fire…mind… spirit

in perfect balanced harmony

within that moment

that yes

a moment's insight was worth a life's experience…

1971

imagine this

a much younger me

a child in fact, not yet in high school;

a desert at sunrise

when cinnabar rays first kiss the earth

a silence so profound

I heard the desert breathe.

I knew then that something had happened

to an inner me I did know I had

I wasn’t sure what had happened

but the earth spoke to me that morning

that much I knew without doubt;

 I know now

that my connection to my earth

was profoundly deeper than I could understand at the time…

1977

sun setting in the surging waters

of the Great Australian Bight

16-17 years old

walking a deserted highway

deserted for 100’s of miles…

I heard the earth & ocean communicating

in powerful vibrations beneath my feet

they spoke of centuries old echoes…

who are you, they asked me- earth & ocean

none of your kind have ever stood this very spot..

I am just a girl, I told them…

 just a girl who wants to know how to live …

live it well…. they told me-

- I swear I heard them chuckle…

live it well…

1978

a road far from home when I had no home

alone in a dark dark world

the sky a never-ending expanse of unending midnight

 stars danced to the tune of moon-tossed breezes…

faraway lights grew closer and closer

the wind whispered

in my ear

hide

hide little one…

I did;

hugging the shadows of a big old tree

resting my head on bared roots

the wind hugged me close

as the car sped past…

be strong, the wind echoed

be strong…

1985

and yet another silent highway

darkness envelops the car

twin points of light spear the night

showing the empty road -

- path of a new destination….

a work-roughened hand covers mine

this is the point of no return, he said

I can take still take you back there…there is still time

I looked at him

the dashboard lights revealing eyes

that feared my answer

soft glow illumining my young daughters

sleeping peacefully in the back…

I have nothing to go back for, I said

everything in the world I love is here…

a brave new world awaits…

1993

 scuffed linoleum

winter sunlight streams

in golden bands across a scratched floor…

I stare so hard I lose all sense of time

all sense of existence…

Clear! I heard the medic yell

for the 4^th time… I flinched

and knew

I would never see him again…

goodbyes are never easy…but are a part of life…

1996

a mountaintop in the south

mist clung to tree trunks and curled fingers

along ankle-deep creeks…

water as revitalizing and pristine

as angels tears…

bellbirds called with dulcet clarity…

as beautiful as it was

as untouched & perfect as it was –

even though my heart told me this was a nice man to be with

- I knew I did not belong; not there…

1999

a cliff overlooking the ocean

green valley’s swept down to white sand

a milestone in passing

6 years alone…

its time to let go, the ocean thundered, Time!

not yet, I whispered

but I thought of him that day without pain;

for the first time the memories did not hurt.

time does heal, I thought, but who knew it would take this long?

2009

a verdant garden

surrounded by trees…

flowers greeted the day…

sun splashed hues revitalized & soothed

man-children a discordant background chorus…

that never ceased;

they don’t need me anymore, I thought

it’s time to move on…

time to find me…

2011

mountains stood sentinel

in a semi-circle around me

hugging the sandy shores of the bay

clouds scudded across a blue sky

image of a Spring day…

my thoughts tumbled chaotically

but slowly… began to untangle…

such clarity enveloped me

I felt dizzy

breathless…. free…

a clarity of emotion washed over me;

I can love… share… live… laugh…

and am strong enough to let go

living life well…

the best way that I know…

with an open heart & no preconditions… no expectations;

Sharonlee©

15/11/11

Trailing Tangents & Delusions of Nirvana - A Ramble

Trailing Tangents & Delusions of Nirvana - A Ramble

I have been besieged

 by ‘life-thoughts’ lately…

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

 Who am I?

Who do I want to be?

 What is the purpose of this life?

Can I love again?

Is it ok to finally live without pain?

… the sort of thoughts

 that lead one to epiphanies door

but withholds the key….

I answer each probing question

as honestly as I can…

I am living

Wherever life takes me

I am me… Me

A healing blessing to all I meet

purpose? hmmmm

to live life with authenticity

yes… yes…and yes….

but those are cryptic answers –

- am I more confused now

then I was at 22? 32? 16?

perhaps… but I know more now

feel more now…

… understand more…

I think the best thing one can do

for oneself

is to just let it all go….

… the preconceived ideas

the pain… sorrow…soul-sapping ache

the bruises that mar ones spirit…

let it all go….

so, I may not be loved by a partner

not know that warm & tender certainty

when I gaze into eyes that gaze at me…

… but I have known it

and  I have learn’t to love myself

…my friends love me

(and I love them)

and that is more than some

realise they have….

I will not bring comfort & solace

strength & peace

to this world

but I love all

unconditionally

without agenda

or thought to race creed religion gender

sub-culture political preference football/soccer team….

or any of the predetermined prejudices

instilled into each generation…

I think somewhere along the way

many eons ago

the evolving human race

came to a crossroad

and ventured down the wrong path…

…we are children of the Earth

and as such have become

clouded by issues of status

materialism

philistinism…

we react to artificial stimuli

and respond in kind….

our freedom and independence

is buried under a paper-pile mountain

of ordinances regulations rules

sanctions that do not safeguard the everyday man woman & child

but rather protect those selfsame

law makers who dine with law-twisters

defend their right to kickbacks & pay rises

gazillion dollar deals

that jeopardize

  the ethical & spiritual fabric

of all humanity….

…perhaps at some point in the future

enough people will rise as one

and lift their voice

to blind bureaucrats in ivy covered ivory towers

the offspring of today’s Pontius Pilates…

… but that day will not come

if we of the now

put down our pens

silence our voices

and close our hearts

simply because

it feels too hard

because we a tired

… we are jaded…

I believe

that  the power to change

is in our hands…

… we could be the catalyst

that creates a shift in spiritual awareness

the founding stone

for a new future…

if we have the courage

to share & sing & educate…

the courage to reach out

with love & conviction

…and if we are not a whisper

of future strength & unity

at least we know

we lived life well;

Sharonlee©

15/11/11

Disjointed & Deteriorated Ramblings

Disjointed & Deteriorated Ramblings

Or

Maybe I have Dementia

LoL

I suppose I have fanciful thoughts of the 60’s... I’ve always thought I was born too late...

 to an era that didn’t really suit me...  I know the 60’s were a time of mixed emotions ...

with WW 2 still sharp in peoples’ memories and the Vietnam War raging...

our men fighting and dying... our women worrying and crying... ours, your people and mine.... conscientious objectors protesting...

I imagine you and I will have various opinions on the turbulence & excitement of that era

 ... me, I would still have been me if I’d been born a little earlier

 with flowers in my hair  and unconventional attire...losing myself in the music of the era…

smoking pot and wanting to save the world with love........ you, well I don’t know what you were doing... were you old enough to protest or to go to war towards the end? Where you even born yet?

My mother and father had been dating for two years when she discovered she was expecting me…she was only 16.... they hastily married before she started to show

and moved in with her parents ...

 I think the marriage was doomed to failure because of that... I was born the 16^th day of March, 1961, 9lbs would you believe... by the time I was one my parents had separated and divorced...

 my mother’s mother was, from what I hear, a very hard woman...

she would not let my father visit me often and taught me to call him by his first name rather than ‘Daddy’... subsequently I didn’t see him much...  my grandmother  passed away when I was little older than two, of leukaemia; I think her death was a great blow to my mother.... my earliest memories are living with my mother’s oldest sister  and her 9  children....

but by the time I was 5 my mother remarried... her husband was neither loving or cruel...

absent most of the time, even when he was home... he was a barrister;

my brother was born the January before my 6^th birthday and I was noticeably passed to the background...

(hmmm all this sounds vaguely familiar... as if I’ve told you before.... have I? Am I going over something I’ve already shared... that would be tedious for you)...

... at this point I was living in the outer, outer suburbs of Sydney....Sydney is Australia’s biggest city with a population of roughly 5,000.000.... just for interest sake, although that today’s figures not the 60’s ...

....anyway... I lived in the outer burbs... it was peaceful in a sense… I mean there was no political upheaval or riots or  protest marches… there was little crime and from memory no abject poverty….

it was simply an insular suburban life…

sometime after my 9^th birthday my mother separated from my stepfather

moving in ( with my brother & I) with a much older neighbour;

he later became my second stepfather and my mother’s life partner….

that when my life really took a turn…. for good & bad…

(you know something, I’m sure I’ve followed this line of thought with you all …. sometimes I worry I’m in the early stages of dementia)...

Here’s a silly poem instead.....

If Only…

I wish I’d been at Woodstock

In 1969

Swaying to the music

In the rain and clear sunshine

Dancing in mud puddles

With people I didn’t know

But I was just a little kid

And far too young to go…

I’d have worn purple love beads

Round my neck

And flowers in my hair

And danced until the sun come up

If only I’d been there…

I wish I’d been at Woodstock

And heard Joe Cocker sing

And been there when Credence

Got up to do their thing

I would have danced the day away

And long into the night

You would have found me swaying still

In the morning’s pure dawn light…

And I’d have worn

A long green dress

With wilted flowers in my hair…

Purple love beads

Round my neck

…if only I’d been there…

…if only I’d been there…

Sharonlee

Soooo..... some time has passed.... I did the dishes and finally unpacked my suitcase… I’ve been home 5 days… living out of my suitcase in lounge room, Lol…. I’ve made a fresh coffee and spent some time gazing absently out the double glass doors…. the day has changed in the time I’ve been watching…. rain clouds have gathered and the late afternoon has lost its humidity… grey shadows throw the day into an early twilight…

... anyway... very poor conversationalist tonight, aren’t I....

....  sigh... I honestly can’t remember what I’ve told you and what I haven’t... and I’ve lost my train of thought…. so I might just go sit on the veranda and hope for rain… some rain would be nice…..

... hope you sleep/slept well

Yours.... sharonlee©

6-Nov-11